I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
