She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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