Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
