Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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