cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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