I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
