I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
