He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
