after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
