Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
