Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
