it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
