Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
