trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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