I wish I could teleport
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
