You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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