worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
