office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
