hell yes lets make some ravioli
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
