Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
