No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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