You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
