Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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