I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
