my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the day after is always just damage control
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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