I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
