A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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