meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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