Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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