dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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