i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
