I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
