That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
