I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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