i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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