This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
