dude i'm inner monologue high
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
