How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
