Banned from zoo.
Again?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
