I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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