I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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