I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
