I think I won the penis lottery.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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