we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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