god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
