Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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