What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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