I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
