i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
