I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
