My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
