I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
ttyl tear gas
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
