Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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