Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
