Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
