you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
