Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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