in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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