Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
